August 2003

Well it has all gone pear-shaped hasn't it.  I'm sure I will read what I am saying here when I come to write my autobiography.  I've recounted what happened to so many people now that I'm sure that what has happened has become legend.

The start of the month seemed to be going well.  the bbq was fun, even if I spent a lot of time away from the crowd seeking comfort in an American.  The Alton Towers Trip went well in the end.  The American embassy trip went really well.  I have a visa to go to the USA.

Little did I know that the woman I loved enough to marry was in bed with another man when I was at the embassy, and she decided it best not to tell me.  I was hurt more than I was ever hurt before when she said the wedding was off.  I sobbed literally on my mum.

So my life appeared to be over, I'd given nearly everything up to be with her, and I wasn't enough.  It hurt.  Finding out the facts about the end of the relationship hurt as well but at least served as a reminder that I had a lucky escape.  She tells me she is hurting.  She tells me she is the victim.  How?  How is it my fault?  Just why should I have any sympathy for her at all?  Just why should I care if she gets run-over by a truck.  And I'm happy to say that I don't care.  She is coming over to spend seven weeks with her new guy.  Something she'd never consider doing with me?  Why?  Well I don't care, I can honestly say I don't.  I just hope that we can resolve the stuff issue, for then I will never have to talk to her again.

Positive things have happened since then, I've strengthened friendships and the future is bright.  It is there for the taking, I can shape it however I wish. A different new beginning. 

So I am back at the temp job now, but won't be there forever.  And everyday that passes makes me stronger than I ever was when I was "engaged".  I have the strongest feeling that I am going to laugh last and hardest.